It’s coming up to Christmas and it’s the time to be merry - especially if you are a certain thief, who has made off with 450 kegs of festive beer, including 180 kegs of the black stuff, from Ireland’s premier brewery!

(source: Times Online at link no longer available)

St James’s Gate, home of the famous pint that is Guiness, was the scene of the crime as the assailant drove off (staggered???) in a trailer drawing vehicle; the most exciting heist since The Cattle Raid of Cooley. Interesting it has come admist a police blitz in the nation’s capital - 160 police on the beat in the Xmas run-up. You’d think someone would have noticed the equivalent of half a mega-pint.

(Note: link to pic removed)

Only one person is believed to have been involved in the incident; who’s now shot to fame with the infamous title “The Beer Hunter”. Their whereabouts is currently unknown as a ‘thirsty-man hunt’ sweeps the nation. One thing is clear however, the sought-after thief does not have much respect for his/her taste buds - making off with an additional 180 kegs of Budweiser (which in Ireland tastes like a cross between a dog’s urine, and well… another dog’s urine - mostly drank by people who hate the taste of beer, footnote 1) and 90 kegs of Carlsberg. All in all, the liquid loot was worth in the region of 65000 euro. Quote of the day goes to Grainne Mackin, spokesperson for Guinness’ owner Diageo Ireland, who said “What could they possibly want with all that beer?” Hmm… Have a very merry Christmas perhaps?

Footnote 1: … in your correspondent’s humble opinion